Posts Tagged ‘The Return of the Maltese Falcon’

Return of the Maltese Falcon Pub Date

Tuesday, January 6th, 2026

Despite the title this week, I am not suggesting we all go down to the local pub and discuss Dashiell Hammett’s The Maltese Falcon.

No.

It is the publication date of my sequel to The Maltese Falcon that we are celebrating on January 6, 2026 (not the sixth anniversary of the Insurrection at the Capitol, either).

The celebration actually began last week, when I announced a book giveaway for copies of the hardcover Hard Case Crime first edition of Return of the Maltese Falcon. I offered 20 copies but expanded that to 25 from my personal stash. All 25 copies were gone on the first day. My thanks to all of you who entered and won, and especially to those I had to turn away.

Tomorrow as I write this (and today as you read it), you will be able to send a review to Amazon and other of the usual on-line suspects (Amazon doesn’t allow pre-pub reviews). I have been asked what it feels like to have this dream project actually come to fruition, and I have replied thusly: I am waiting to see it displayed among the New Releases at the Davenport, Iowa, Barnes & Noble – then I will believe it. And savor it.

Yes, I have long been dreaming about doing my own Sam Spade novel, and I can pinpoint when that desire began: 1961. I was thirteen, still in junior high, specifically the 8th grade. I saw the movie on TV that same year – I believe I did so on a Sunday morning, having convinced my parents that I was sick and couldn’t go to Sunday school or church.

I’ve done several interviews, including one on YouTube, wondering if the idea of specifically doing a Maltese Falcon sequel was something I’d had in mind from the start. The truth is: no. I just wanted to do a Sam Spade novel. The idea for the sequel was what I came up when I made my pitch to Titan Books in March of 2024. I think the whole pitch was, “I’d like to do a sequel to The Maltese Falcon.”

Doing so was gratifying and enjoyable, but hard. Hammett’s brilliant novel was a contemporary work; mine was a period piece. I had plenty of experience in the latter, having done all those Nathan Heller, Eliot Ness and “disaster series’ novels (like The Titanic Murders). So I was something of an old hand at historical fiction, which this would be in a way.

Hammett’s sly, spare style had to occasionally give way to describing places in a historical context – fortunately I had WPA Guides to both San Francisco and California, Don Herron’s excellent The Dashiell Hammett Tour, and several other reference works to call upon. Internet research also came into play. I think – hope – I hit the right balance.

When I completed the novel – having read it through to my satisfaction, doing any necessary tweaks – I was ready to send it to editor/publisher Charles Ardai at Hard Case Crime (Titan is the parent company) – my wife Barb (a writer herself) took me gently aside.

“You’d better prepare yourself,” she said, “for attacks. Not by everybody, but you will be seen by some as exploiting a classic.”

I’d known that going in, but hearing Barb say it was damn near bone-chilling. And last year, as word about my novel got around, I was in fact attacked several times, before the book had even come out or been read by anybody.

I have run into this before. It’s likely, if you’re reading this, that you are aware of my love for Mickey Spillane as a man and a writer, and that – at his request in his final days – he honored me by asking me to complete various works of his that were to be found in his three home offices. He did not put this in motion for his glory or mine, for that matter; but to generate income for his widow, Jane Spillane.

And yet.

There are hardcore Spillane fans who refuse to read the Spillane/Collins byline books or say disparaging things about them. This despite every one of the 16 novels (14 Mike Hammer) having significant Spillane content. The first ten or so were manuscripts well in progress by him, 100 manuscript pages (and notes about endings in some cases). One reader posted a review of Complex 90 (in which I show Velda and Mike in an overtly sexual relationship), accusing me of doing explicit material in a way that Mickey supposedly never would have.

Apparently that huge Spillane fan had never read either The Erection Set or The Last Cop Out. Hint: The Erection Set has erections in it, and I don’t mean buildings.

A key part of my approach to the Spillane co-bylined novels was to determine when he had written the partial manuscripts (and other material), so I could place the book at hand in the context of where Mickey was as a writer and as a man at that moment.

Much of the Spillane unpubbed material was developed during the (ahem) long wait between Kiss Me, Deadly (1952) and The Deep (a non-Hammer followed a year later by Hammer’s return in The Girl Hunters). But Mickey didn’t stop writing during that period – he published a dozen novellas, usually in the men’s adventure magazine Cavalier – works that are a window into his thinking and his evolving literary style.

Here’s the thing about The Maltese Falcon and public domain: somebody was going to do it. Other things that have gone into the public domain have led to such wondrous creative projects as horror films featuring Popeye the Sailor, Winnie the Pooh and Steamboat Willie. I wanted to make a respectful, serious attempt to do Sam Spade correctly. Faithful to Hammett. Others will no doubt follow me, and some may do a better job of it. But I wanted to be first and do it right.

After all, we can’t be far away from James Patterson bylining a novel in which Sam Spade meets Hercule Poirot and Jane Marple, perhaps among Father Brown’s congregation or maybe in the waiting room of Sherlock Holmes, possibly to solve the murder of C. Auguste Dupin.

Anyway, you can imagine how relieved I’ve been at getting such great reviews from the three major book reviewing services: Publisher’s Weekly (a starred review), Booklist and even Kirkus, who in the past have often indicated that humanity would have been better served if I’d just stayed at sacking groceries (I was goddamn good at that).

The first review not from one of those reviewing services has popped up, and it’s worth sharing with you.

Return of the Maltese Falcon
Reviewed by James Reasoner

I’m starting the new year off well with an excellent novel from Max Allan Collins. I’ve been a fan of THE MALTESE FALCON since I read the novel in high school, the first thing by Dashiell Hammett I ever read, I believe. Needless to say, I was hooked. Now the original magazine version of the novel, as serialized in the iconic pulp BLACK MASK, is in public domain, and that’s what Collins has used as the starting point for his new novel RETURN OF THE MALTESE FALCON, which, as he points out, is a continuation rather than a true sequel.

And if, by some chance, you’ve never read Hammett’s novel, stop right now and read it before you read this review, and absolutely don’t tackle Collins’ novel until you’ve read the original, because they’re both, of necessity, full of spoilers. I mean it!

The action starts a week after the end of THE MALTESE FALCON, in December 1928. The dead Miles Archer’s desk has been removed from the office of Spade & Archer, and Effie Perrine, Sam Spade’s secretary, has put up a Christmas tree in its place. (Does that make this a Christmas novel? It sure does!)

A potential client pays a visit to Spade’s office. She’s Rhea Gutman, Casper Gutman’s daughter, and she wants to hire Spade to find the real Falcon. The one in Hammett’s novel was a fake, remember? Rhea is the first of four clients who give Spade a retainer to find the dingus. The others are Chicago gambler Dixie Monahan, Corrine Wonderly, the younger sister of femme fatale Brigid O’Shaughnessy, and Steward Blackwood, an official from the British Museum who claims that institution is the true owner of the Falcon.

Spade plays all these characters against each other. He has run-ins with the cops. A dead body turns up. Spade is hit on the head and knocked out, and he’s captured by a gunman who wants to kill him. This is great stuff in the classic hardboiled private eye mode, the kind of thing that Dashiell Hammett invented, along with Carroll John Daly. Stylistically, Collins’ fast-moving, straight-ahead prose isn’t quite as stripped down as Hammett’s, but it’s certainly in the same ballpark.

Being constrained to use only the elements to be found in the original novel’s pulp serialization turns out to be a good thing. Collins is able to bring on-stage characters who were only mentioned before and invent new ones who fit perfectly in that setting. The resolution of the mystery and the way the book wraps everything up are extremely satisfying.

A number of years ago, I read and loved Joe Gores’ prequel novel SPADE & ARCHER. RETURN OF THE MALTESE FALCON is even better. I’m glad Max Allan Collins wrote it, and I’m grateful to Hard Case Crime for publishing it. It’ll be out officially in e-book and hardcover editions tomorrow. For hardboiled fans, I give it my highest recommendation.

This is, obviously, a lovely review. James Reasoner, a top-notch word smith himself, is incorrect about one thing: while I re-read the serialization of The Maltese Falcon (in Otto Penzler’s The Black Lizard Big Book of Black Mask Stories), the basis for my sequel is the published novel (Knopf, 1930). The serialization did not go into the public domain till last year, as its final installment appeared January 1930.

Trust me – I kept an eye on that.

Nonetheless, Mr. Reasoner liking my novel means a lot to me, as he is about as seasoned a pro in the fiction game as anybody I know of.

If you are familiar with the Bogart-starring film adaptation of The Maltese Falcon, a re-reading of that novel before reading the sequel isn’t necessary. A few readers have already told me they plan to re-read the original after they’ve read my sequel. Or that they will view the 1941 film either again or for the first time, in preparation of reading Return of the Maltese Falcon.

That my book will bring some new readers to Hammett’s masterpiece (The Glass Key is next best) is incredibly gratifying.

* * *

My pal Robert Meyer Burnett – who so masterfully directed the audio drama True Noir: The Assassination of Anton Cermak, adapted by me from my novel True Detective – is a well-known YouTube pundit (among much else) with two long-running shows on that platform: Robservations and Let’s Get Physical Media.

On the first weekend of January, 2026, I appeared on episodes of both of those shows.

I caution you: these are lengthy episodes. The Robervations is an interview of me by Rob about (largely) Return of the Maltese Falcon). It runs around two hours!

The Let’s Get Physical Media has Rob, co-host Dieter Bastion, and me discussing our top ten favorite physical media releases of the year – it’s well over three hours with many excursions into this and that, including my most recent battle with Rob over Never Say Never Again, the film missing from the Sean Connery “James Bond” 4K set.

The interview:

The Favorite Blu-ray and 4K releases of 2025 from Burnett, Bastion and Collins:

Amazingly, one of the outstanding reviewers of physical media on the Net, That Damn Fool Idealistic Crusader, has done a very smart deep-dive into my novelization of the Dick Tracy movie, and goes into my misadventures writing it.

Even more amazingly, Spencer Draper, The Damn Fool Idealistic Crusader himself, has done the same for my two hard-to-find Tracy novels, Dick Tracy Goes to War and Dick Tracy Meets His Match.

He’s articulate and very, very smart, but again, a warning: these ain’t short shows. The novelization episode is about half an hour, and the Tracy novels episode is about forty minutes.

Damn that Damn Fool Idealistic Crusader! He makes me want to try to get the rights back to reprint the two rare Tracy novels he discusses!

* * *

Here’s another one of those articles about movies from comics that aren’t about superheroes.

* * *

Let’s make 2026 a much better year than the last.

M.A.C.

Not Writing the Screenplay & Re-Reading the Proofs

Tuesday, April 15th, 2025

All ten episodes of True Noir: The Assassination of Mayor Cermak should be available by a week from now (if not sooner) in various formats, including 5.1 stereo.

True Noir Episode 10 Banner

Director Robert Meyer Burnett has done a masterful job directing an incredible cast; he was also the editor and supervised the elaborate mix of sound effects and music.

A Blu-ray of the production will follow, including all ten episodes of my “History Behind the Mystery,” in which I talk about the real history behind each episode and a lot more. There’s also a lengthy interview Rob did with me before the production began (I had literally finished the Blue Christmas shoot the night before!). It will include a version of the entire production assembled into one “listen.”

This is no standard audio production. The budget was half a million dollars. If you support it, a second one will go into production and we’ll be on our way to a Nate Heller movie and possibly TV series. With the talented group that has come together for this unique production, great things are in the offing.

* * *

I’m going to discuss something that requires me to be a little circumspect – not generally my best quality. It has to do with a movie script (not written by me) for a production relating to one of my properties.

Despite the fact that I have written and directed seven features, written three more produced features (I’m in the WGA), and scripted an episode of the Quarry TV series on Cinemax, a show based on my own book series), I have rarely been invited to a have a crack at the script by the Hollywood folks who have optioned/bought my material. The reasons for this are many and varied. For one thing, most of my self-produced movies have been indies, some with micro-budgets.

Real Time: Siege at Lucas Street Market, Eliot Ness: an Untouchable Life and Blue Christmas were each at around a $10,000 budget with a lot of professional talent volunteering their participation in let’s-put-on-a-show fashion. In a world where twenty million is considered a low-budget, this makes the reluctance to use me on the screenplay at least understandable. My suggestion, for example, that I’d like to have a pass at Road to Perdition myself was met with shocked (and perhaps amused) surprise. That was the most naive thing the producers had ever heard.

Though few filmgoers even know the name of a screenwriter, much less have a favorite one, a big-time feature is essentially required to have a screenwriter who’s already had at least one major production made. (How those writers got their first assignment is a mystery none of my detective characters could solve.) This comes in part from the need to have a list of talent in all major slots (including screenwriter) that look good in a package. Money has to be raised. Studio execs need convincing. I get that. What I don’t get is why “We can get the person who created Road to Perdition to write the movie version” was such a laughable proposition.

It’s true that a good novelist, even somebody who’s written a critically acclaimed bestseller, isn’t necessarily an accomplished screenwriter. In fact some novelists downright stink at scripting. This largely comes from the two different skill sets of a novelist and screenwriter. Novelists write the interior of a story and screenwriters the exterior. So it’s not entirely a mystery why a producer might avoid using the source creator to write the script.

In my case, however, I have a track record of screenwriting that includes primetime movies on HBO and Lifetime, and a Cinemax series. My little regional movies have all won awards and their share of good reviews (and some bad ones – that comes with it).

This is not to say, “Boo hoo.” You can’t have a fifty-plus year writing career and come away thinking life is fair, even if you’re Stephen King. I often say to Barb, when I’ve written a book or had one optioned for the movies or television, “Well, I’ve got another ticket in the lottery.” Luck does seem to play as major a role as hard work and talent. I get that.

Why is this on my mind?

Well, I recently sat down with a script based on one of my properties, a script written by a guy who probably got half a million bucks at least to do so (my option was barely five figures). And I’m told the producers really like the script. As a courtesy more than anything, I was shown the script and encouraged to offer my notes.

The script had merit. But it also had a lot wrong with it. It did all kinds of things that even a smalltime screenwriter like me would know are wrong. Beginner shit. For example, using two lines of dialogue when one carries it. For example, following the action climax with fifteen minutes of tying up loose ends in dialogue. That kind of thing. What strikes me as remedial stuff.

After nineteen pages of handwritten notes, I typed them up as thirteen double-spaced pages. And then I had to sit and think about it. As a practical matter, since I make a big payday if the movie gets made, I should not bother. Let Hollywood be Hollywood. In a very real way, the last person they want to hear from is the source writer. I am trying to help, trying to make sure my property has been turned into a script that is not only relatively faithful to my work, but has a shot at pleasing audiences and being a success. But the result of my well-intended criticism might be (a) that I am viewed as just a troublemaker, or (b) (and this is worse) that the producers will realize the script needs work and the project slides into Development Hell.

Understand something: I could fix this script in a day. Maybe an afternoon. But I have as much chance of being granted that opportunity as I would to become the lead actor in the picture. And the smart thing to do would be not to send in my notes, but just say to them, “Wow, what a terrific script.”

This kind of frustration, this kind of reality, has accompanied me throughout my long career…and probably through most of the careers of the vast majority of your favorite fiction writers. It is why, despite a love for movies and moviemaking at least equal to my love for reading and writing books, I did not go West, Young Man (well I was young once). I chose books over movies because I could get a book written and published, and getting a movie made is really, really tough. Tough to get producers to give you a shot, tough to get a story told the way you want it. Tough not to get your heart broken.

After my run writing the Dick Tracy comic strip came to an end after fifteen fortunate years, I allowed myself to get pulled into indie moviemaking. And I loved it. About a dozen years of my career were devoted to that, and after a twenty-plus year break, I’ve returned to it in my waning days just to have the experience again – to bask in the collaborative nature of filmmaking. As a writer, I’ve often sought out collaborators – great people like Terry Beatty, Matthew Clemens, Dave Thomas and of course Barbara Collins – because synergy only happens when more than one factor comes into play. Fiction writing is a lonely trade whereas movie-making is lively affair, in my fortunate case always involving some pretty wonderful artisans.

I have no regrets being mostly a writer of books, short stories and comics. And no regrets, either, despite some bumps, about writing and sometimes directing movies in the world of indies.

But when I read something based on my work that I was not chosen to adapt myself, something that seems sub-par, I am nonetheless frustrated.

* * *

Recently I did a slight revision on my afterword to the forthcoming Return of the Maltese Falcon. Where normally an advance look at the first chapter might have been used as a promotional teaser, something had to substitute, because the public-domain nature of the original novel won’t kick in until my sequel is published next year. So advance promo couldn’t use any of my novel itself – we’d be in violation of the original copyright.

My editor at Hard Case Crime, Charles Ardai, is something of a wonder. Normally when you turn a manuscript in, it takes an editor months or at least weeks to get you the line-edited manuscript to go over. Charles gets back to you the next day, or if he takes two or three days, he apologizes for the delay. Then he has the book typeset in another day (he does this himself) and provides galley proofs, and to say this is unusual is an understatement.

It’s very cool to have the process go this quickly. Writers like the feeling when a book has “gone to bed.”

But when I worked on transforming the afterword of the Falcon novel into a promotional piece, I found a few tweaks I wanted to make. I did so, then asked Charles if I could read the galley proofs of the entire novel again. I had made corrections previously, so this seemed an exercise in fussiness. But I really want this novel to represent me at the top of my game. And following in the footsteps of a genius writer as precise as Dashiell Hammett is a sort of suicide note.

Charles allowed me to go through the book again, and I went into the process figuring I’d find a few pages – one or two or three – spotting a typo here, an ungainly repetition of words there, or just sentences that could use a minor tweak.

I had thirty pages of pages with corrections by the end of the process.

What did I learn? I didn’t exactly learn anything I didn’t already know, but it confirmed my belief that a writer needs to do the galley proofs several months at least after turning the book in. You need distance, and a quick turnaround doesn’t give you that.

Routinely, in going over galley proofs, I run into an instance or two where I have no idea what I was trying to say, no idea what I meant with something or other. When I was caught up in the state of writing, those things were crystal clear to me. A few months later, whaaaa???

So my new policy with Hard Case Crime is to do the galley proofs as quickly as my editor would like…and if time allows, have another hard look at them.

M.A.C.

Video Interviews and Ruminations of AI Replacing Me

Tuesday, February 11th, 2025

Blue Christmas will be available on Tubi (free, but probably with commercials) starting March 10. I realize it’s not the Christmas season right now, but March is my birthday month, so help celebrate by watching our little mostly-well-reviewed “chamber piece” on Tubi.

* * *

This week is a hodgepodge of videos, starting with (in my biased opinion) a particularly good interview by Andrew Sumner of Titan Books with yrs truly, talking about the forthcoming final Mike Hammer novel (Baby, It’s Murder), the new Ms. Tree archival edition (the final of six), my Sam Spade sequel The Return of the Maltese Falcon (due out Jan. 2026), and much more.

Here is the great Michael Rosenbaum (Nathan Heller in True Noir) seeing the promo poster of our immersive ten-part adapation of True Detective for the first time.

For the heartiest souls among you – or those desperate to fill the empty hours – here is my three-hour-plus (!) appearance on Rob Burnett’s (and Dieter Bastion’s) Let’s Get Physical Media. I am prettier (marginally) in real life.

* * *

Here, from stalwart reviewer (and fiction writer) Ron Fortier is a review of the latest Quarry novel.

QUARRY’S RETURN
By Max Allan Collins
Hard Case Crime
213 pgs

One has to wonder at the twists and turns of fate when a writer of the baby-boomer generation (post World War II for you youngsters) is still writing about a hired gun well into his seventies. That’s Quarry, one of three series Collins whipped up a long…long…long time ago. That it is still around, never mind getting better like aged bourbon, is no small literary feat. Our best guess as to why; two things. One, Collins is such a damn good writer and two, his loyal readers know it and aren’t going anywhere.

In his last novel featuring his Quarry tale, Collins introduced his Vietnam veteran protagonist to the adult daughter he’d never known. After an awkward start, filial emotions rose to the surface when they were forced to save each other’s lives from some very bad people. In this follow up tale, Quarry learns Susan, his crime-writer daughter, has disappeared while doing research on a serial killer. This he learns from an old lover-colleague, a beautiful Japanese gal named Lu; his equal in death-dealing. The two of them make Bonnie and Clyde look like Hansel and Gretel.

It becomes obvious that Susan has run afoul of the very fiend behind the so-called Cheerleader Murders she is investigating. Unless Quarry and Lu can find her quickly, Susan will become the killer’s fourth victim. Collins weaves a fast-paced tale as his wonderfully mature couple question and shoot their way through a twisted puzzle, each well aware that the stamina and zeal of their youth exist only in melancholy backward glances.

Quarry’s Return continues the quality of this series offering up both the drama and action we’ve come to expect from a master storyteller now at the height of his craft. Oh, if only more writers weren’t afraid of growing old.

* * *

What does A.I. think of me?

My buddy Rob Burnett asked ChatGPT to roast me, and this is what he got:

Max Allan Collins? Oh, you mean the guy who spends his days trying to convince people he wrote Road to Perdition before the movie made it cool? The man has more tie-in novels under his belt than original ideas. If there’s a movie, TV show, or video game with a plot, chances are he’s already turned it into a book before you even realized it existed.

Don’t get me wrong, the guy knows his way around a crime story, but let’s be honest – his bibliography reads like the novelization section at a Blockbuster in 1999. He’s basically the literary version of that friend who just retells movie plots but insists they’re adding depth.

And let’s talk about Road to Perdition. Everyone remembers the film – you know, Tom Hanks, Paul Newman, Sam Mendes’ stunning cinematography? But Collins? He’s like that one guy in the back of a concert yelling, “I wrote the original song, man!” while everyone’s there for the band that made it famous.

Look, he’s a workhorse, I’ll give him that, but maybe if he spent a little less time cashing in on other people’s intellectual properties, he’d be known as more than “that dude who did all the licensed tie-ins.”

That chatGPT request was for a roast of me as author of Road to Perdition. This one left Road to Perdition out of the search request.

Alright, let’s talk about Max Allan Collins – the guy who never met a tie-in novel he didn’t like. This man has churned out more franchise cash grabs than Hollywood itself, and somehow, he still wants us to believe he’s a “hard-boiled” crime writer. Yeah, sure, buddy – nothing screams noir like novelizing CSI episodes.

Collins has spent his career clinging to Mickey Spillane’s coattails so hard that he’s practically a ghostwriter for a ghost. The guy inherited unfinished Mike Hammer manuscripts like some kind of pulp fiction trust fund baby and has been playing Weekend at Bernie’s with Spillane’s legacy ever since. And let’s not forget Road to Perdition — a graphic novel that somehow got a brilliant film adaptation that made people think he’s on the same level as classic crime writers. Spoiler: He’s not.

Is he prolific? Absolutely. But so is a fax machine. If crime fiction had a direct-to-video section, Collins would be its king.

Next Rob asked ChatGPT to praise me. Here’s what he got:

Max Allan Collins is one of the most prolific and versatile crime writers of his generation, seamlessly blending historical research, sharp storytelling, and a deep love for the noir tradition. His Road to Perdition graphic novel became an Oscar-winning film, proving his talent for crafting compelling narratives with rich emotional depth.

Collins’ dedication to the hard-boiled genre extends beyond his own work – he’s kept the legacy of Mickey Spillane alive by completing unfinished Mike Hammer manuscripts with remarkable authenticity. His Nathan Heller series is a masterclass in historical crime fiction, blending real-life mysteries with gripping detective work.

Beyond novels, Collins has left his mark across multiple mediums – comics, television tie-ins, and even film – demonstrating a storytelling range few can match. Whether he’s penning a hard-hitting detective tale or a media tie-in, he brings professionalism and an unmistakable voice to everything he touches.

Next Rob, at my request, asked about “Barbara Allan.”

Here’s the roast:

Barbara Allan – aka the dynamic duo of Barbara and Max Allan Collins – has mastered the fine art of writing cozy mysteries that are as outrageous as a yard sale gone horribly wrong. The Trash ‘n’ Treasures series? More like Clutter ‘n’ Chaos! The books are packed with enough quirky characters, eccentric antiques, and over-the-top antics to make even the most dedicated cozy mystery reader question their life choices.

The mother-daughter sleuthing team, Brandy and Vivian, are basically the literary equivalent of Lucy and Ethel if they were trapped in an endless loop of small-town mayhem and garage-sale drama. Vivian, in particular, is a force of nature – a character so hilariously unhinged that she could probably solve crimes just by talking the suspects into confessing out of sheer exhaustion.

And let’s not forget the narrative style – breaking the fourth wall, footnotes, and asides that sometimes make you feel like you’ve stumbled into a mystery novel with an identity crisis. Is it a whodunit? A stand-up comedy routine? A fever dream about hoarding? Who knows!

But despite all the chaos, you have to give Barbara Allan credit – somehow, these books keep readers coming back for more. Maybe it’s the humor, maybe it’s the charm, or maybe it’s just the literary equivalent of watching a reality show where you can’t look away. Either way, the Trash ‘n’ Treasures series is a wild ride, whether you love it or love to roll your eyes at it.

That’s the roast, but Barb and I both pretty much agree with it and find it oddly complimentary. I guess it goes to show there’s less negative stuff about Barbara Allan out there on the Internet for chatGPT to draw upon.

Here’s the Barbara Allan praise from chatGPT:

Barbara Allan is a talented and acclaimed author, best known for her delightful and witty “Trash ‘n’ Treasures” mystery series. The writing duo behind the pseudonym – Barbara and Max Allan Collins – crafts engaging, humorous, and cleverly plotted cozy mysteries that keep readers entertained while delivering sharp social observations. Their knack for blending humor, crime, and quirky characters makes their work a standout in the genre.

Allan’s ability to create compelling narratives with charmingly eccentric protagonists, particularly Brandy Borne and her mother, Vivian, showcases a keen sense of humor and an impressive storytelling skill. The lighthearted yet intriguing mysteries, often infused with a touch of satire, offer a refreshing take on the cozy mystery genre. Fans appreciate the dynamic character relationships, lively dialogue, and the seamless way the authors weave suspense with humor.

Barbara Allan’s contributions to the mystery genre continue to be celebrated by devoted readers who eagerly anticipate each new installment. Whether you’re a longtime fan or a newcomer, her books are sure to entertain and delight!

Besides giving Barb and me (and Rob) a giddy good laugh over all of this, what to make of it? To me it shows that AI can give you anything but something of actual substance, coming from a real-life human being with human experiences to draw upon. It also hints at the nature of reviews and criticism – that the same work can engender wildly different takes (although Barbara Allan seems pretty popular with everybody!).

I am of the opinion that AI will never be able to truly approximate someone’s writing (say, ask chatGPT to write a Mike Hammer novel by Mickey Spillane) when it’s (no matter how sophisticated) a soulless summary of things actual humans have thought and felt. This is related to “garbage in, garbage out,” but AI won’t draw upon garbage, or even churn garbage out. It can cobble something together from the works of a writer based only on existing work, not new work informed by human experience.

Not only are the words borrowed, so are the attitudes that shaped those words. Nor is it likely (to my way of thinking anyway) that AI will ever be able to write a “new” Max Allan Collins book (for example) because it will not be able to deal with the growth and shifts and, yes, decline of a creative person.

Or, as chatGPT had to say on this subject:

AI can be an excellent tool for assisting writers, offering suggestions, or even generating basic plot ideas, but it lacks the deeper emotional, cultural, and philosophical grounding that human creativity provides.

Fiction writing isn’t just about stringing words together – it’s about creating meaning, evoking emotions, and offering unique perspectives, all of which are rooted in the lived experience of being human. AI can simulate creativity, but it can’t be creative in the same way a human can.

Finally, I asked chatGPT to create an approximately 1000-word example of my fiction writing. Here it is:

I leaned back in my chair, the smoke from my cigarette curling up toward the ceiling. The office was dim, the only light coming from the streetlamp outside casting long shadows across the room. It was the kind of night that made you question your choices, the kind of night that made you wonder if the world was as clean as it seemed.

The door creaked open, and she stepped in – a dame with legs that went on forever and a look that could melt steel. She had that air about her, the kind that said she was trouble, but the kind you couldn’t resist.

“Mr. Heller?” she asked, her voice a melody that didn’t quite match the storm in her eyes.

“That’s me,” I said, motioning to the chair across from my desk. “Have a seat.”

She hesitated for a moment, then sat down, crossing her legs. I noticed the faint tremor in her hands as she placed them on her lap.

“What’s the trouble?” I asked, leaning forward.

She took a deep breath, her eyes darting around the room as if searching for something. “I need your help,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “My husband is missing.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Missing? Or just not where you want him to be?”

M.A.C.

Happy 2025

Tuesday, December 31st, 2024

This will be brief, but I want to acknowledge a few of the people who have made 2024 so rewarding for me.

First, Charles Ardai at Hard Case Crime continues to give me and Nate Heller and Quarry a showcase for our wares.

Second, the whole group at Titan Books, including Nick Landau, Vivian Chung and Andrew Sumner – these three made the continuation of Mickey’s Mike Hammer novels, all based on material from Mick’s files, with Jane Spillane’s blessing, a reality, right up to the coming year’s Baby, It’s Murder. That whole bunch, with Charles Ardai added in, and my agent Dominick Abel, made my forthcoming Return of the Maltese Falcon (a year from now) possible.

Third, my producer on Death by Fruitcake, who also shot and edited the feature film, Chad Bishop. A one-stop-shopping moviemaker, Chad was also instrumental in getting Blue Christmas out there.

Fourth, the cast of Death by Fruitcake, every one of ‘em, but a special shout-out to our leads, Paula Sands, Alisabeth Von Presley and Rob Merritt. These three brought the principal players of the Antiques mystery series (by “Barbara Allan”) to credible, incredible life.

Fifth, the production manager and exec producer on Death by Fruitcake, who made the entire thing possible and even kept me alive – the love of my life, Barbara Collins.

Sixth, the incredible Robert Meyer Burnett and a phenomenal name cast for turning my script, based on True Detective, into the ten-part, immersive audio drama, True Noir: The Assassination of Mayor Cermak (available at truenoir.co). Big thanks also to producers Mike Bawden, Christine Sheeks and my longtime collaborator, Phil Dingeldein, who is directing and producing our History Behind the Mystery video series that accompanies each episode of True Noir.

Seventh, the members of my band Crusin’ (established 1974!) – Bill Anson, Scott Anson and Steve Kundel. We are now officially defunct, but you never know – a reunion could happen.

Eighth, my son Nathan who runs this website and posts these blog/Updates and does a fantastic job.

Ninth, thank you to everyone who reviewed Blue Christmas, even those of you (very much in the minority) who gave us bad reviews. All of you helped us get the word out that our little Christmas noir existed. Positive Amazon reviews still appreciated.

I know I have left people out. I did the best I could with my ancient brain. My apologies.

This year-end wrap-up ends a productive, exhausting 2024. A lot is coming up, including the last Mike Hammer novel and the 50th anniversary of Quarry, not to mention a certain Sam Spade book. We’ll be promoting Death By Fruitcake, entering a few film festivals and competitions, and we’re discussing a Quad Cities premiere with the Last Picture House in Davenport. I will be starting my draft of Antiques Round-up in January – Barb is wrapping her draft up now. And God willin’ and the crick don’t rise, we’ll be doing at least one more of the Antiques novels. A lot else is in discussion, but we’ll wait till 2025 to get deeper into any of that.

People always ask me one of two questions – are you still writing? The answer: Yes, nobody sends money to my house if I don’t. The other question is, why at your age are you working so hard on so many projects? Because at my age, the clock is not my friend.

But all of you are.

M.A.C.