Friends/Family/Fans of Max Allan Collins

We All Have It Coming

March 4th, 2025 by Max Allan Collins

Today’s update/blog will be very stream of consciousness.

I am writing it on March 3, 2025, my 77th birthday. My father died on his 78th birthday, so I sense the clock ticking. Loudly. Memories are flooding in like the water of the terribly tepid bath I took this morning. My memory is selective – I have few vivid memories, rather many more sketchy ones. Ask Terry Beatty, my longtime collaborator, who has had to put up with my smear of a memory more than most. My wife Barb is probably relieved she doesn’t have to hear more about what little I remember.

This will be about loss. The list of key players in the drama of my life who’ve already had a final curtain call is a long one. Bruce Peters, the greatest rock ‘n’ roll showman I ever had the honor and difficulty of appearing with. Paul Thomas, my closest friend in the many years of playing rock ‘n’ roll. Michael Cornelison, the actor who was at times a troubled soul but usually a smart, positive one who starred in four of my indie movies and narrated my two documentaries. There are others, too many others; but these three stand out.

I am going to give myself a present. I rarely talk politics here. It’s a combination of respecting the opinions of others and cravenly not wanting to lose any readers. But I am allowing myself the following little joke:

President Donald Trump and V.P. J.D. Vance prepare to welcome President Zelensky

If this offends you deeply, we are so on opposite pages that you are invited never to read me again. I have, on several occasions, requested that disgruntled readers not put my words into their brain, even temporarily. I hate to see you go but don’t let the screen door (you know the rest).

Before I start rambling on this and that, I will pause to say how much I love my wife Barb and what an incredible partner in every phase of my adult life she has been – beautiful, smart, funny, and supportive. When I was in the hospital in 2016 for open-heart surgery, for two-and-a-half weeks, she was there every day. The follow-up surgery a year later, she was there. Every procedure that followed, she was there. She also is excellent at putting me in my place.

Plus she gave me my son Nate, who gave me my grandson Sam and granddaughter Lucy, all three gifts that keep on giving.

Well, that’s out of the way, so let’s talk about Larry Coven.

Larry passed away recently. I met him under unusual circumstances. Barb and I loved Second City in Chicago, the great improv comedy theater where we once saw the cast that largely became that of SCTV. Larry was in the strongest cast I ever saw at Second City, including that storied Canadian one. He shared the stage with George Wendt, Tim Kazurinsky, Mary Gross, Jim Belushi and Danny Breen, all of whom went on to later fame in movies and television, from Cheers to Saturday Night Live and many movie and national TV appearances.

At one of these performances, Barb and I were in Chicago for an early comics convention at the Congress Hotel…I think it was still the Pick-Congress then. To my astonishment, Larry Coven was there. He turned out to be a book and comics dealer, and was a little wary of me because my Second City enthusiasm was on the psychotic side.

But we hit it off and stayed in touch – not regularly though more than just an acquaintance sort of thing. He was amused by my Spillane enthusiasm but respected my right to have it. I asked him, in 1995, to take a small role for me in my Mommy sequel, Mommy’s Day. He appeared as an ominous doctor who gave Patty McCormack as Mommy a dose of something to curtail her homicidal tendencies. This appearance was a generous one, but so was Larry’s delivering the legendary Del Close to me for another role in the film.

Close turned out to be a book enthusiast and a (I can’t believe this even today) fan of mine. Whenever a true Chicagoan endorsed Nate Heller, that was a big deal to me. Del took the role in Mommy’s Day in part because Mickey Spillane was in it and Del wanted to meet this very famous writer and get his Spillane books signed.

Larry took on a much bigger role in my little indie Real Time: Siege at Lucas Street Market, playing the upbeat clerk whose quiet evening was disrupted by armed robbers. He brought an improvisational touch to the proceedings (“We have some fine Hostess products”) and true professionalism. He had appeared in several other films and on lots of TV. His presence in the cast, which otherwise included mostly inexperienced or local actors, set a high standard and encouraged good performances around him.

If you haven’t seen Real Time: Siege at Lucas Market (and there are enthusiasts of that odd little production), it was my first but not last attempt to get a movie made on spit and chewing gum. Our budget was $10,000. I presented it as a found-footage movie, but it was really tightly scripted, with room for Larry to work a little magic. It came to be after the success of the two Mommy movies was scuttled by a “friend” who was also my producer, and who stole most of the money.

This led to my two documentaries, and the $10,000 production of Eliot Ness: An Untouchable Life (with Mike Cornelison, who had considerable Hollywood success for about a decade, appearing on Hill Street Blues, World’s Greatest American Hero and helming three pilot movies, among much else, including a memorable role in Albert Brooks’ Lost in America). Two more recent movies of mine have also been micro-budget affairs (Blue Christmas, also a ten-grand wonder, and the slightly higher budgeted Death By Fruitcake). It was tough getting through both of them without Mike Cornelison in the mix.

Larry would call me whenever I had a novel out – which is often! – and requested that he might send me books of mine to sign, one for himself and another batch for his customers (he was a book dealer, remember). What a bright, funny presence he was. Hearing from him was always a joy. I was lucky to have known him.

Another passing is less personal but has a resonance I’ll share with you (and, yes, I’ve written about this before).

The film Bonnie and Clyde was extraordinarily influential on me. It re-sparked my interest in Prohibition-era crime, initially created by the Untouchables TV series. All of this, plus my Dick Tracy interest, led me down the path to writing historical crime fiction, notably True Detective, currently getting a new lease on life thanks to director Rob Burnett’s True Noir: The Assassination of Anton Cermak, the fully immersive audio drama written by me.

Bonnie and Clyde was, and is, a great movie. But I was particularly taken, as were so many others, by an unknown actor’s portrayal of Clyde’s brother Buck. As much as I loved virtually every element of director Arthur Penn’s film, it was Gene Hackman’s performance as Buck that really stole the show for me. The real-life Buck died by police gunfire in my home state of Iowa, and a famous photo of the crime scene, including the bloodied Buck, was recreated in the film.

As I’ve said here and elsewhere before, my father was no huge movie buff. Max Allan Collins, Sr., was a gifted musician but his movie interest was negligible, and he seemed only to put up with my mother’s keen interest in movies, and his son’s. Dad was a sports fan and I was a disappointment in my preference for going to movie matinees on the weekend and not watching sports with him.

But at my urging he went with me to Bonnie and Clyde, which at that point I’d seen half a dozen times. When the Iowa-set scene with the recreation of Buck’s bloody death came on the screen, he was visibly shaken. An ex-WW 2-era Naval veteran, Dad had never reacted to a movie in this fashion, even one as bloody as Bonnie and Clyde. I asked him afterward why it had affected him so, and he reported that his father (my grandfather) had driven him to the bloody crime scene (not far from their Grand Junction, Iowa, home) to witness the aftermath of what a life in crime could bring. The bloody garments were strewn around in the sort of grove where the gun battle had taken place, as was a bullet-pocked car or two. Dad would have been a young boy when he saw this, but he hadn’t thought of it in years till Arthur Penn put it on screen. That Buck Barrow had been brought to life, and then to die, so effectively, so memorably, had an impact.

Hackman was always a favorite actor of mine, but I couldn’t see him without thinking of Buck Barrow and my youngster-age father. I realize that Hackman’s death, at least as I write this, is shrouded in mystery and unfortunate circumstances. But as Clint Eastwood said in The Unforgiven, a movie with an Oscar-winning performance by Gene Hackman, “We all have it coming, kid.”

At 77 I am very aware that the end is coming for all of us. Some are lucky enough, and hard-working enough, to leave behind them a legacy of work, if not one of the magnitude of movies and novels that Gene Hackman did. And all of us who love great acting are lucky to have been on the planet when Hackman was around.

I should leave it at that, but I can’t help but comment that Barb and I watched, this past weekend, a Hackman film, Bite the Bullet, a terrific, under-appreciated movie that co-stars James Coburn. Seeing those two working together is a master class in film acting.

What I love about this pairing is how Hackman is an actor who learned to be a movie star, and Coburn is a movie star who leaned to be an actor.

I’m glad I was around to see them both.

* * *

If you’re wondering what I want for my birthday, it’s for you to go to truenoir.co and order True Noir: The Assassination of Anton Cermak.

M.A.C.

Tags: Nate Heller, Nathan Heller, Passings, True Noir, True Noir: The Assassination of Anton Cermak, True Noir: The Nathan Heller Casebooks
Posted in Message from M.A.C. | 13 Comments »

Another Giveaway – Free Ms. Tree!

February 25th, 2025 by Max Allan Collins

We had a nice response to our book giveaway last week, especially considering The Last Quarry is a reprint (albeit a nice, bigger physically – and content-wise – edition, including as it does two Quarry short stories).

So why not do another giveaway this week?

Paperback:

E-Book:

I’m not sure I’ve ever done a giveaway on any of the Ms. Tree archival volumes. I haven’t been sent anything more than a few author’s comp copies of any of ‘em, and the books are rather weighty – you might say heavy, and I’m not talking about the stories.

But this time around I got a nice box of comps and I’m going to offer copies to the first ten of you people blessed enough with sublime taste to request one. This is the final of six volumes of MS. TREE, Fallen Tree, and like all of the preceding volumes from Titan and Hard Case Crime, it’s a beauty. The covers are strong and evocative by various artists, and all of Terry Beatty’s great covers are present in cover galleries spread out across the books.

[All copies have been claimed. Thank you for your support! –Nate]

You agree to write a review at Amazon and/or Barnes and Noble, and/or any comics-oriented web site. Mystery fiction web sites count, too. If you hate the book, you are released from the obligation of writing a review.

This particular volume features a number of stories where Terry was assisted by cartoonist Gary Kato, who is (I am embarrassed to say) an unsung hero of (particularly the later) Ms. Tree tales. Working out of Honolulu, often in tandem with the talented Ron Fortier on the lively comic book Mr. Jigsaw (among others), Gary continues to draw comics in a career that includes working on Elfquest and children’s books (the Barry Baskerville series) and the recent The Eternal Sword: A Tale of Arthur. He has also illustrated children’s books by Fortier and others, and his collaborators include Barbara Doran.

Gary is a big part of how we were able to keep Ms. Tree going as long as we did. It became necessary for Terry to take on Gary’s assistance when deadlines crushed us, in part because we had other projects come along that could, frankly, keep “starving artists” an expression and not a reality.

And I must salute my friend Terry Beatty, whose talent I’ve believed in from the start and who has proven me right on various non-Collins projects, including becoming the primary inker (and occasional penciller) of DC Comics’ “animated-style” Batman comics, and of course his work on the famous syndicated strips The Phantom and Rex Morgan, MD (he also writes the latter).

When you sit down with one of these archival volumes, you frankly have no idea how difficult it was to keep the ship from taking on water over our nearly decade and a half, sometimes staying barely afloat. The independent comics market exploded in those years, but we were writing the only mystery/crime title out there, pretty much, and we watched sales figures through squinted eyes and with our breaths held. Without Dean Mullaney, Dave Sim, Deni Loubert and Mike Gold we would never have made our record-breaking run.

I must also single out Titan’s Nick Landau and Vivian Cheung (with an assist from Andrew Sumner) for staying after Terry and me to collect this material. Nick, Vivian and I took many breakfast meetings at San Diego Comic Con over the years, discussing collecting Ms. Tree in this format (as well as continuing the Mike Hammer novels). Archival volumes like these – and Terry had to do a lot of work on them, as our materials were not always in good shape – were always a dream of mine, and I think of my collaborator. But we could hardly have imagined what a lovely job Titan would make of it.

Terry and I probably missed the boat a bit, not taking advantage of the Road to Perdition buzz that would have boosted the sales of such archival Ms. Tree volumes. But as I’ve mentioned here before, we had hoped to launch the series with a new Ms. Tree graphic novel. That never happened and is unlikely at this point ever to happen.

I had a pretty good idea for what the graphic novel would be, but I’m not sure doing one would have been a good idea. Ms. Tree – who inspired a layout in Andy Warhol’s Interview magazine – was very much of her time, an ‘80s/’90s phenomenon. Toward the end of the run (in the early ‘90s), a reader dinged me for having Ms. Tree use a key in a hotel room door. Didn’t I know hotels only used key cards now? Well, I suppose on some level I did know. But just as Ms. Tree was a throwback to the 1950s world of Mickey Spillane, I was in co-creating the Ms. Tree feature of a different era myself.

When I was in college in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, at the University of Iowa’s Writers Workshop, my great instructor Richard Yates sent my novel Bait Money to agent Knox Burger, who had a storied career as a Collier’s magazine editor and (more pertinently) the editor at Gold Medal Books, where among other things he encouraged John D. MacDonald to stop writing one-offs and create a series character (Travis McGee, anyone?). Burger took me on as a client, but a bit grudgingly, writing to Yates, “I’m afraid young Collins is a blacksmith in an automotive age.”

I’m afraid I still am.

And yet somehow I’ve managed to find a way to write about characters in novels, comics, and even films, who resonate with the child of the 1950s in me – the kid who scrounged used book stores for copies of the forbidden EC comics, who watched George Reeves as Superman loving every (sometimes silly) second of it, and who somehow – unbelievably – got to write Dick Tracy after Chester Gould’s retirement, and Mike Hammer after Mickey Spillane’s passing.

That would seem more than enough. But I’m a greedy cuss (get to my age you start using words like “cuss”) and am currently luxuriating in seeing – well, hearing – my own Nate Heller brought to life from my scripts in the immersive audio drama, True Noir, thanks to director Robert Meyer Burnett and star Michael Rosenbaum.

The moral of all this? Even if you are talented and hardworking, and I immodestly think I am those things, you are nothing without collaborators who are also talented and hardworking. Like Terry Beatty. Like Gary Kato. Like Rob Burnett.

* * *

Here’s an article on the best 7 performances in comic book movies – it’s Paul Newman in Road to Perdition.

M.A.C.

Tags: Dick Tracy, Giveaways, Ms. Tree, Ms. Tree: Fallen Tree, Nate Heller, Nathan Heller, Road to Perdition, True Noir, True Noir: The Assassination of Anton Cermak, True Noir: The Nathan Heller Casebooks
Posted in Message from M.A.C. | 5 Comments »

Quarry! Spillane! John Sand! True Noir!

February 18th, 2025 by Max Allan Collins

It’s been some time since we did a book giveaway, so let’s make up for that lost time with the new trade paperback edition of The Last Quarry.

Back in the early days of Hard Case Crime, their books were published in the old-fashioned mass-market paperback form. When HCC moved to Titan as their home publisher, the format was changed to a somewhat larger trade edition. The Last Quarry was intended to conclude a series that was pretty much defunct after its four mid-‘70s books at Berkley and one book at Foul Play Press.

As I’ve reported here before, The Last Quarry was an unexpected success (I am always surprised when something of mine moves from cult favorite to actual success). This initiated a still in-progress revival of the series including an award-winning short film (“A Matter of Principal”), a feature I co-wrote (The Last Lullaby, from The Last Quarry), and a one-season Cinemax TV series, as well as many more series entries plus a graphic novel.

This has now led to new trade-size editions of The First Quarry (September 2025), Quarry in the Middle (pub date as yet unannounced), and The Last Quarry (April 2025). The latter book will include two short stories, “Guest Services” and “Quarry’s Luck” (previously collected in Quarry’s Greatest Hits, the only Quarry volume not reprinted by HCC). This new edition of The Last Quarry also has an essay by me charting the development of Quarry, including his unexpected revival. And what a Robert McGinnis cover it has!

And what of the giveaway? The deal is this: you agree to write an Amazon and or Barnes & Noble review in exchange for the receipt of a copy; you are released from this obligation if you don’t like the book. You have to wait till the pub date to do an Amazon review (Barnes & Noble reviews are also fine). Ten copies are available. USA only.

[All copies have been claimed. Thank you for your support! –Nate]

These do go fast.

Now, there are all kinds of flavors of Amazon-type reviews. Some are a sentence or two or three, and some are actual mini-essays. If you do something on The Last Quarry of the latter nature, you can send it to me (and Amazon!) and I’ll share it here.

I am hopeful we’ll have another book giveaway here very soon, if I can lay hands on some extra advance copies of the final Mike Hammer novel, Baby, It’s Murder, which comes out March 4, the day after my 77th birthday.

Is it really the last Mike Hammer novel? Truthfully, I have a couple of brief openings by Mickey that may become short stories, or even novels, if the much-promised Mike Hammer movie happens. I would also probably go after the movie novelization of that, again…if it happens. I also have a Mike Danger novel that Mickey did a complete draft of, which I hope to revise into a Hammer one. Due to the science fiction nature of the Danger novel, it was not included in the batch of titles from Titan that complete the official canon.

I also have a science-fiction/horror-tinged complete screenplay Mickey did, which I could turn into a novel, and would frankly like to do so. Unfortunately, the horror novel The Menace (from another unproduced Spillane screenplay) that I wrote for Wolfpack hasn’t earned enough sales to command a follow-up.

Speaking of Wolfpack, all three of the John Sand novels that Matt Clemens and I wrote, including our short story collection Murderlized (which includes a John Sand short story), are on sale as an e-book collection of all four books for a mere 99-cents.

I feel the John Sand novels are among my least known and least read books, and hope any of you who have been on the fence about them take advantage of this incredible price. For the uninitiated, John Sand (in the world of these novels, set in the ‘60s) is the real-life spy who Ian Fleming based James Bond upon. I think this represents some of the best Collins/Clemens collaborations. Matt, of course, was the co-author of all my CSI novels.

Buy the John Sand collection on e-book right here.

And while we’re at it, here is a link to the three Spillane titles I did for Wolfpack. These are Mickey’s final YA novel (edited and introduced by me), The Shrinking Island; Stand Up and Die (a Collins-edited collection of Spillane novellas, including a Mike Hammer I co-wrote); and the aforementioned The Menace, co-written by me from an unproduced Spillane screenplay.

Paperback:

E-Book:

* * *

Listen (and that’s the operative word here), I could not be prouder of True Noir: The Assassination of Anton Cermak, my ten-episode immersive-audio adaptation of the first Nate Heller novel, True Detective. Director Robert Meyer Burnett has done an incredible job with an incredible cast. Michael Rosenbaum makes an ideal Nate Heller. The seventh episode has either just dropped or is about to.

With my longtime crony Phil Dingeldein behind the camera, we have been doing a series of video commentaries about each episode.

Please don’t watch these till you’ve signed on for the audio series at truenoir.co. If you’ve read True Detective you can probably understand what I’m talking about. But you should really listen to each episode of True Noir, then check in with the appropriate one of these after each one. Nonetheless, here are episodes three, four, and five.

Chapter Three:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncwysQ3kIDY

Chapter Four:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKvSPEOd4J0

Chapter Five:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plz_PAPPqac

M.A.C.

Tags: A Matter of Principal, Giveaways, John Sand, Murderlized, Nate Heller, Nathan Heller, Quarry, Quarry in the Middle, Quarry's Greatest Hits, The First Quarry, The Last Quarry, True Noir, True Noir: The Assassination of Anton Cermak, True Noir: The Nathan Heller Casebooks
Posted in Message from M.A.C. | 2 Comments »

Video Interviews and Ruminations of AI Replacing Me

February 11th, 2025 by Max Allan Collins

Blue Christmas will be available on Tubi (free, but probably with commercials) starting March 10. I realize it’s not the Christmas season right now, but March is my birthday month, so help celebrate by watching our little mostly-well-reviewed “chamber piece” on Tubi.

* * *

This week is a hodgepodge of videos, starting with (in my biased opinion) a particularly good interview by Andrew Sumner of Titan Books with yrs truly, talking about the forthcoming final Mike Hammer novel (Baby, It’s Murder), the new Ms. Tree archival edition (the final of six), my Sam Spade sequel The Return of the Maltese Falcon (due out Jan. 2026), and much more.

Here is the great Michael Rosenbaum (Nathan Heller in True Noir) seeing the promo poster of our immersive ten-part adapation of True Detective for the first time.

For the heartiest souls among you – or those desperate to fill the empty hours – here is my three-hour-plus (!) appearance on Rob Burnett’s (and Dieter Bastion’s) Let’s Get Physical Media. I am prettier (marginally) in real life.

* * *

Here, from stalwart reviewer (and fiction writer) Ron Fortier is a review of the latest Quarry novel.

QUARRY’S RETURN
By Max Allan Collins
Hard Case Crime
213 pgs

One has to wonder at the twists and turns of fate when a writer of the baby-boomer generation (post World War II for you youngsters) is still writing about a hired gun well into his seventies. That’s Quarry, one of three series Collins whipped up a long…long…long time ago. That it is still around, never mind getting better like aged bourbon, is no small literary feat. Our best guess as to why; two things. One, Collins is such a damn good writer and two, his loyal readers know it and aren’t going anywhere.

In his last novel featuring his Quarry tale, Collins introduced his Vietnam veteran protagonist to the adult daughter he’d never known. After an awkward start, filial emotions rose to the surface when they were forced to save each other’s lives from some very bad people. In this follow up tale, Quarry learns Susan, his crime-writer daughter, has disappeared while doing research on a serial killer. This he learns from an old lover-colleague, a beautiful Japanese gal named Lu; his equal in death-dealing. The two of them make Bonnie and Clyde look like Hansel and Gretel.

It becomes obvious that Susan has run afoul of the very fiend behind the so-called Cheerleader Murders she is investigating. Unless Quarry and Lu can find her quickly, Susan will become the killer’s fourth victim. Collins weaves a fast-paced tale as his wonderfully mature couple question and shoot their way through a twisted puzzle, each well aware that the stamina and zeal of their youth exist only in melancholy backward glances.

Quarry’s Return continues the quality of this series offering up both the drama and action we’ve come to expect from a master storyteller now at the height of his craft. Oh, if only more writers weren’t afraid of growing old.

* * *

What does A.I. think of me?

My buddy Rob Burnett asked ChatGPT to roast me, and this is what he got:

Max Allan Collins? Oh, you mean the guy who spends his days trying to convince people he wrote Road to Perdition before the movie made it cool? The man has more tie-in novels under his belt than original ideas. If there’s a movie, TV show, or video game with a plot, chances are he’s already turned it into a book before you even realized it existed.

Don’t get me wrong, the guy knows his way around a crime story, but let’s be honest – his bibliography reads like the novelization section at a Blockbuster in 1999. He’s basically the literary version of that friend who just retells movie plots but insists they’re adding depth.

And let’s talk about Road to Perdition. Everyone remembers the film – you know, Tom Hanks, Paul Newman, Sam Mendes’ stunning cinematography? But Collins? He’s like that one guy in the back of a concert yelling, “I wrote the original song, man!” while everyone’s there for the band that made it famous.

Look, he’s a workhorse, I’ll give him that, but maybe if he spent a little less time cashing in on other people’s intellectual properties, he’d be known as more than “that dude who did all the licensed tie-ins.”

That chatGPT request was for a roast of me as author of Road to Perdition. This one left Road to Perdition out of the search request.

Alright, let’s talk about Max Allan Collins – the guy who never met a tie-in novel he didn’t like. This man has churned out more franchise cash grabs than Hollywood itself, and somehow, he still wants us to believe he’s a “hard-boiled” crime writer. Yeah, sure, buddy – nothing screams noir like novelizing CSI episodes.

Collins has spent his career clinging to Mickey Spillane’s coattails so hard that he’s practically a ghostwriter for a ghost. The guy inherited unfinished Mike Hammer manuscripts like some kind of pulp fiction trust fund baby and has been playing Weekend at Bernie’s with Spillane’s legacy ever since. And let’s not forget Road to Perdition — a graphic novel that somehow got a brilliant film adaptation that made people think he’s on the same level as classic crime writers. Spoiler: He’s not.

Is he prolific? Absolutely. But so is a fax machine. If crime fiction had a direct-to-video section, Collins would be its king.

Next Rob asked ChatGPT to praise me. Here’s what he got:

Max Allan Collins is one of the most prolific and versatile crime writers of his generation, seamlessly blending historical research, sharp storytelling, and a deep love for the noir tradition. His Road to Perdition graphic novel became an Oscar-winning film, proving his talent for crafting compelling narratives with rich emotional depth.

Collins’ dedication to the hard-boiled genre extends beyond his own work – he’s kept the legacy of Mickey Spillane alive by completing unfinished Mike Hammer manuscripts with remarkable authenticity. His Nathan Heller series is a masterclass in historical crime fiction, blending real-life mysteries with gripping detective work.

Beyond novels, Collins has left his mark across multiple mediums – comics, television tie-ins, and even film – demonstrating a storytelling range few can match. Whether he’s penning a hard-hitting detective tale or a media tie-in, he brings professionalism and an unmistakable voice to everything he touches.

Next Rob, at my request, asked about “Barbara Allan.”

Here’s the roast:

Barbara Allan – aka the dynamic duo of Barbara and Max Allan Collins – has mastered the fine art of writing cozy mysteries that are as outrageous as a yard sale gone horribly wrong. The Trash ‘n’ Treasures series? More like Clutter ‘n’ Chaos! The books are packed with enough quirky characters, eccentric antiques, and over-the-top antics to make even the most dedicated cozy mystery reader question their life choices.

The mother-daughter sleuthing team, Brandy and Vivian, are basically the literary equivalent of Lucy and Ethel if they were trapped in an endless loop of small-town mayhem and garage-sale drama. Vivian, in particular, is a force of nature – a character so hilariously unhinged that she could probably solve crimes just by talking the suspects into confessing out of sheer exhaustion.

And let’s not forget the narrative style – breaking the fourth wall, footnotes, and asides that sometimes make you feel like you’ve stumbled into a mystery novel with an identity crisis. Is it a whodunit? A stand-up comedy routine? A fever dream about hoarding? Who knows!

But despite all the chaos, you have to give Barbara Allan credit – somehow, these books keep readers coming back for more. Maybe it’s the humor, maybe it’s the charm, or maybe it’s just the literary equivalent of watching a reality show where you can’t look away. Either way, the Trash ‘n’ Treasures series is a wild ride, whether you love it or love to roll your eyes at it.

That’s the roast, but Barb and I both pretty much agree with it and find it oddly complimentary. I guess it goes to show there’s less negative stuff about Barbara Allan out there on the Internet for chatGPT to draw upon.

Here’s the Barbara Allan praise from chatGPT:

Barbara Allan is a talented and acclaimed author, best known for her delightful and witty “Trash ‘n’ Treasures” mystery series. The writing duo behind the pseudonym – Barbara and Max Allan Collins – crafts engaging, humorous, and cleverly plotted cozy mysteries that keep readers entertained while delivering sharp social observations. Their knack for blending humor, crime, and quirky characters makes their work a standout in the genre.

Allan’s ability to create compelling narratives with charmingly eccentric protagonists, particularly Brandy Borne and her mother, Vivian, showcases a keen sense of humor and an impressive storytelling skill. The lighthearted yet intriguing mysteries, often infused with a touch of satire, offer a refreshing take on the cozy mystery genre. Fans appreciate the dynamic character relationships, lively dialogue, and the seamless way the authors weave suspense with humor.

Barbara Allan’s contributions to the mystery genre continue to be celebrated by devoted readers who eagerly anticipate each new installment. Whether you’re a longtime fan or a newcomer, her books are sure to entertain and delight!

Besides giving Barb and me (and Rob) a giddy good laugh over all of this, what to make of it? To me it shows that AI can give you anything but something of actual substance, coming from a real-life human being with human experiences to draw upon. It also hints at the nature of reviews and criticism – that the same work can engender wildly different takes (although Barbara Allan seems pretty popular with everybody!).

I am of the opinion that AI will never be able to truly approximate someone’s writing (say, ask chatGPT to write a Mike Hammer novel by Mickey Spillane) when it’s (no matter how sophisticated) a soulless summary of things actual humans have thought and felt. This is related to “garbage in, garbage out,” but AI won’t draw upon garbage, or even churn garbage out. It can cobble something together from the works of a writer based only on existing work, not new work informed by human experience.

Not only are the words borrowed, so are the attitudes that shaped those words. Nor is it likely (to my way of thinking anyway) that AI will ever be able to write a “new” Max Allan Collins book (for example) because it will not be able to deal with the growth and shifts and, yes, decline of a creative person.

Or, as chatGPT had to say on this subject:

AI can be an excellent tool for assisting writers, offering suggestions, or even generating basic plot ideas, but it lacks the deeper emotional, cultural, and philosophical grounding that human creativity provides.

Fiction writing isn’t just about stringing words together – it’s about creating meaning, evoking emotions, and offering unique perspectives, all of which are rooted in the lived experience of being human. AI can simulate creativity, but it can’t be creative in the same way a human can.

Finally, I asked chatGPT to create an approximately 1000-word example of my fiction writing. Here it is:

I leaned back in my chair, the smoke from my cigarette curling up toward the ceiling. The office was dim, the only light coming from the streetlamp outside casting long shadows across the room. It was the kind of night that made you question your choices, the kind of night that made you wonder if the world was as clean as it seemed.

The door creaked open, and she stepped in – a dame with legs that went on forever and a look that could melt steel. She had that air about her, the kind that said she was trouble, but the kind you couldn’t resist.

“Mr. Heller?” she asked, her voice a melody that didn’t quite match the storm in her eyes.

“That’s me,” I said, motioning to the chair across from my desk. “Have a seat.”

She hesitated for a moment, then sat down, crossing her legs. I noticed the faint tremor in her hands as she placed them on her lap.

“What’s the trouble?” I asked, leaning forward.

She took a deep breath, her eyes darting around the room as if searching for something. “I need your help,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “My husband is missing.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Missing? Or just not where you want him to be?”

M.A.C.

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